Silver linings #1 - Mindset

Apologies for the hiatus in posting; rather a lot has been happening over the last few months requiring all of my energy. I will be writing about it all. Thank you so very much to all of you who have been in touch in the meantime, offering words of encouragement and support, and thank you also for waiting so patiently for my next blog post.

 

When I was first diagnosed and struggling to come to terms with the sentence of this illness, I never thought I’d be writing about the positive things about becoming ill.

I suppose that change in mindset has been exactly that: being so ill can facilitate, or even force, a change in how you think about things, so that the positive and truly important aspects of life become more apparent and visceral, and the unimportant things fall by the wayside, out of immediate focus.

Before I was ill, there were many things I worried about on a day to day basis, making me a rather insecure and anxious individual. I worried about other people not thinking highly of me; my self-worth was tied to my success or (perceived) failures; and certainly I focussed very much on pleasing other people so that they would like me. This meant that a lot of my energy was spent on other people, rather than caring for myself.

When I became ill, I literally had no energy to give to doing those things anymore. I was forced to reduce to the basic human needs: sleep, food, warmth. That’s it. All of the bullshit of worrying or analysing or thinking disappeared. I realised that I didn’t have a very good practice of being nice to myself, so I had to learn how to do that. I was forced to prioritise me above everything and everyone else so that I would simply survive enough to eventually get to recovering. Everything simplified.

It's all about simplicity © 2015

It’s a shocking situation to be put in, not least because of the impact of being ill, but the realisation that I didn’t actually really know how to take care of my body, mind and soul enough to keep it nourished and happy. Previously I thought I did that adequately.

But it’s all relative, isn’t it? Shifting horizons change the parameters by which you assess your life. Whilst I felt guilty when I first started focussing on taking care of me, and me alone, that fell away rather quickly as the seriousness of the situation realigned my priorities. I just wanted to stay alive, and stay alive to a high enough standard to enjoy it. This outweighed any previous desires to please others by a long, long way.

Always eager to improve myself, and understanding that my frame of mind would be crucial in how successfully I dealt with the illness, I viewed my situation as a learning opportunity.  Putting my well-being above everything else will always be my priority, for the rest of my life. As a result, I feel happier, calmer, less worried, and more confident in myself. I doubt I would have reached this place so quickly if it hadn’t been for ME.