Emotional stress
"Post Exertional Malaise", or PEM, is one of the defining characteristics of ME. It means that exertion literally makes you sick, with malaise taking the form of extreme, medical fatigue, nausea, pain of various kinds (neural, joint, muscular), migraines, disturbed and unrefreshing sleep, restless legs, elevated and irregular heart rate, significant digestive disturbances, brain fog, memory and speech impairments...and those usually in combination with each other. One of the leading theories is that this exertion exacerbates the neuroinflammation present in ME, which affects so many bodily systems.
What isn't readily understood by many is that exertion can be emotional or mental, not just physical, which can also trigger PEM. I spent a lot of time reducing all sorts of stressors in my life, eliminating activities - and people - that would be negative triggers, and reducing my focus to those things that were positive influences and helped to give me strength.
I find myself in a situation of pretty extreme emotional stress and upset right now, as a result of seemingly ongoing and increasing conflict with a person I deeply care about, love, and respect - and the PEM is on the rise. Conflict of any kind is my Achilles heel on the best of days, and like a heat-seeking missile, it is the fastest thing to completely destroy any of my strengths or confidences - things that take time to build up again.
I haven't been able to fall or stay sleep because my thoughts have been whipped into a frenzy, going through the unknowns and the what if's in the absence of any communication. It has been constantly on my mind, draining me of energy and positivity, detracting me from having the focus and energy to give to my work and find enjoyment in my activities. My resilience has dropped to near zero. I haven't been able to put it in a box and put it away, because I'm not built that way, but also ultimately because it involves a very important person in my life who I don't want to just shut off. It makes me hate my heightened sensitivity, particularly because that's an aspect of myself that won't ever change - it's part of my DNA. I do wish I could be more immune to the stress of conflict, because then it wouldn't have such a deep effect on me.
This combination of being such a sensitive creature and the presence of this kind of conflict that I feel I have no control over or influence on is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, and it's tortuous. I don't know how to turn off this sensitivity, and build a hard shell, and I don't know how to resolve this conflict. I want more than anything else to do so, to make the hard lines of conflict melt away; but as they say, it takes two to Tango, and at the moment it feels like I'm the only dance partner on the floor.
So how do I proceed in situations like this? It's not the first example, and it won't be the last, and I am struggling to find a way to manage myself in this kind of situation when elimination can't be my first or only option. Yet I am feeling the toll that this kind of stress inevitably takes on my body. Something, anything, desperately needs to give, somewhere, because the pressure is becoming unbearable.
What isn't readily understood by many is that exertion can be emotional or mental, not just physical, which can also trigger PEM. I spent a lot of time reducing all sorts of stressors in my life, eliminating activities - and people - that would be negative triggers, and reducing my focus to those things that were positive influences and helped to give me strength.
I find myself in a situation of pretty extreme emotional stress and upset right now, as a result of seemingly ongoing and increasing conflict with a person I deeply care about, love, and respect - and the PEM is on the rise. Conflict of any kind is my Achilles heel on the best of days, and like a heat-seeking missile, it is the fastest thing to completely destroy any of my strengths or confidences - things that take time to build up again.
I haven't been able to fall or stay sleep because my thoughts have been whipped into a frenzy, going through the unknowns and the what if's in the absence of any communication. It has been constantly on my mind, draining me of energy and positivity, detracting me from having the focus and energy to give to my work and find enjoyment in my activities. My resilience has dropped to near zero. I haven't been able to put it in a box and put it away, because I'm not built that way, but also ultimately because it involves a very important person in my life who I don't want to just shut off. It makes me hate my heightened sensitivity, particularly because that's an aspect of myself that won't ever change - it's part of my DNA. I do wish I could be more immune to the stress of conflict, because then it wouldn't have such a deep effect on me.
This combination of being such a sensitive creature and the presence of this kind of conflict that I feel I have no control over or influence on is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, and it's tortuous. I don't know how to turn off this sensitivity, and build a hard shell, and I don't know how to resolve this conflict. I want more than anything else to do so, to make the hard lines of conflict melt away; but as they say, it takes two to Tango, and at the moment it feels like I'm the only dance partner on the floor.
So how do I proceed in situations like this? It's not the first example, and it won't be the last, and I am struggling to find a way to manage myself in this kind of situation when elimination can't be my first or only option. Yet I am feeling the toll that this kind of stress inevitably takes on my body. Something, anything, desperately needs to give, somewhere, because the pressure is becoming unbearable.
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